My Cheese Moved...and I Didn't Like it!!

My husband and I are packing up and moving to Texas after being California residents our entire lives.  As we are packing we are also sorting through our belongings, determining what should go, what should be disposed of, and what should be donated.  After 42 years I have acquired quite a wealth of "stuff" and deciding what is going on the truck and what isn't is emotionally exhausting.  I would not call myself a pack rat.  I am not afraid to get rid of something.  However, I love to collect memories and that is what is hardest to leave behind.  For example, I have a plant in my kitchen which was given to me as a clipping from a good friend of mine that passed away a few years ago.  I know she is not embodied in the plant, but it's a way to keep her memory alive and to aid me in recalling some of our happier times before her passing.  Additionally, I have a stock of plants in my backyard most of which are Plumeria that I got from Hawaii on various trips. All of them started off as little 6 inch stalks and are now at least 4-5 feet tall.  Again, they are reminders of good times and I fear if I leave them behind that I will somehow forget those precious memories and the people I hold dear.  
I have never been one to enjoy change although I experienced the various life changes....high school, college, moving out on my own, having parents move away, getting married, having children, etc.  I know nothing in this world stays the same, but I wish I could get my heart to embrace the opportunity and not possess the terror of the unknown.  It almost seems to take me over and consume my every thought.,  I would really like this time to be different for me.  I would like not to think of the loneliness and isolation that awaits me as a mother of a special needs child, of the countless hours that I will spend as a single parent so my husband can provide for our family, of the fact that I will spend my days taking my son to therapy and not having a social life because my son is unable to handle interaction.  In all honesty, this feels like a death sentence, not an opportunity.   So how do I get my heart to look at this experience as an opportunity for good?
Fast forward 6 months later in Austin, TX. Our son is now in  ABA therapy at a local center 20 hours a week. Just getting independent insurance  in TX that covered ABA was enough to make me pull out my hair.  And don't get my started on the ECI services.  It is such an amazing contrast to my experience in CA.  But we are through the worst of it and are now starting to see brighter days ahead.
 I have made a few friends, all of which are moms of autistic children close in age to Christopher.  Additionally, I have joined a few FB autism support groups. It completely amazes me how autism binds people. I have developed such an intense love and compassion on those in the trenches along side of me.  I have found that I have become more skeptical of my doctors and more trusting of those who are battling with me. They in every sense have become my go-to resources.
We found a DAN doctor her in Austin who is well respected, and he is knowledgeable, but I am seeing no difference in my son despite adding in more supplements, another round of medications, etc.  
So, now what?  I think this is the lesson God had to teach me by bringing me to TX.  The fact is, NOTHING is in my control.  The longer I try to control and manipulate situations to ease my discomfort, the harder and more frustrating things becomes.  If I ease my grip on the control, trust God to care for me, then it all becomes significantly easier.  I am not saying that the isolation is better, or that Christopher is recovered, or even that I am loving TX.  What I am saying is that I have more faith.  I am leaning on God more for wisdom and strength and as a result the things I am going through seem more hopeful.
I am still not a fan of change, especially as we are considering moving back to CA to be closer to family and friends.  I know that chaos that awaits me back home trying to get my son into ABA services there, trying to find insurance, making friends in my neighborhood, finding a church, etc.  It will all be incredibly hard.  But with faith in God, He has the power to change my perspective and give me hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Filling in the gaps with GAPS

We started our family on the GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) diet on Friday.   Our breakfast that morning consisted of chicken, broth and squash...not what I would count as a traditional breakfast.  We offered the food to our son and he refused to eat any of it.  He cried incessantly for food and about 10 AM I caved in and gave him some apples, some bacon and a few pancakes.  I still cannot believe that I caved that fast.  He was just so pitiful.  I determined that I would start him again on Saturday with new vigor, especially knowing that my husband would be home to help with the melt-downs when our son was told he could not have a banana or bacon.  Again, we had more bland food on Saturday and I was starting to feel really weak.  I was told that if I felt nauseous to be sure to add a dash of fresh pressed apple juice to some water to ensure my blood sugar did not get too low.  After drinking the juice I was incredibly sick..and I mean hang over the toilet and heave like you have the worst flu ever... kind of sick.  That lasted for a good portion of the morning keeping me in bed while my husband took care of Christopher who also woke up in vomit.  By the evening I was feeling slightly better but had an enormous headache to add to the nausea.  Christopher was still fussing, but refusing to eat what was given to him.
Sunday rolled around and I made us some meatballs with grated carrots and a kobucha squash for breakfast and I felt amazing.  The carrots and the squash really did an amazing job to pick up my blood sugar, and additionally, it was food I craved.    Christopher had no more vomiting, but was still not eating.  Thankfully, he was still drinking a lot of water and we would occasionally top his cup off with some apple juice to keep his blood sugar stable.  He did eat a bit of kobucha squash that I prepared, but refused to eat any more later on.
We are now on Monday, and I am feeling really great.  I have a lot of energy and the food is starting to be more appealing.  I am still in love with the meatballs with grated carrots and the kobucha squash.  I have the feeling it will be a staple.  Christopher is still on his hunger strike.  We tried to force feed him certain foods, but he is refusing everything we give to him and now he seems to be really leery of us when we approach him because he is afraid we will force him to eat. We have tried presenting his carrots and squash in chunks, pureed, etc, but he is not interested in it.  Additionally, we added a small amount of good salt to his water, along with some honey and some apple juice.  He is not too excited about it, but will occasionally sip it.
Unfortunately we were not able to go farther along in the diet.  Christopher went days without eating to the point that he all he would do was lay around and sleep all day.  Additionally, when he went outside, he just wanted to sit in the car and take a ride.  So my hubby would take him on a ride around the block.
When we did go back to foods we had before we made several modifications so that Christopher is on a full GAPS diet. He is now on a high veggie diet with a small amount of fruit (which we put in a smoothie) as well as his favorite meat pork bellies.  We have found our biggest struggle with our son is extreme sensory issues to texture and to taste.  So, our next battle is to find a way to get our son to get past his sensory issues.